If thou must love me, let it be for nought Except for love’s sake only. Do not say, “I love her for her smile, her look, her way Of speaking gently, for a trick of thought That falls in well with mine, and certes brought A sense of pleasant ease on such a day.” For these things in themselves, Beloved, may Be changed, or change for thee, and love, so wrought, May be unwrought so. Neither love me for Thine own dear pity’s wiping my cheeks dry: A creature might forget to weep, who bore Thy comfort long, and lost thy love thereby! But love me for love’s sake, that evermore Thou mayst love on, through love’s eternity. If thou must love me… (Sonnet 14) Elizabeth Barrett Browning
When I first read this piece years ago, I read it through the eyes of romanticized love. While I interpreted it correctly, I didn’t fully understand the depths these words reached. It’s both funny and sweet how the Lord reveals meanings through years of sunny days and rainstorms.
Recently, I was sitting on the couch talking to the ray of sunshine that is Ali Chap. Being silly yet thoughtful, I mentioned this sonnet, one that I’ve inscribed into journals, memorized and studied in class, and held close to my heart. In that moment, I saw the stories this sonnet could find home in…it made my heart warm.
For years, I’ve only read Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s beautiful thoughts in terms of being in love with a boy. Elizabeth was an English poet of the Romantic Movement. She lived a life of both sadness and love. At the young age of 14, she developed a lung illness that required morphine for the rest of her life. However her circumstances, she pursued her literary life bravely. Through the publication of a collection titled Poems and 600 exchanged love letters, Elizabeth married Robert Browning. Years later, my beloved sonnet came along as a part of Sonnets From the Portuguese.
That night with Ali, I explained to her If thou must love me. I told her that it meant to love the people you love because…quite simply…you love them. Truly love them. While beauty and words and gifts and moments will all sadly pass, if you truly love the soul before you, your love never will. I told her that I once was told that this is the way to love…to be loved for love’s sake.
I love my mom because she answers my phone calls. I love Gabe because he likes to eat dinner with me. I love Kyla because she understands me. I love Meg because she’ll never leave my side. I love Dad because he buys me groceries. I love Jack because he makes me laugh about old times. The list goes on. I could name a tangible reason why I love each and every one of my friends and family.
But some days, Mom can’t answer my phone calls. Some days Gabe ditches dinner to do something else. Some days I don’t see Kyla. Meg doesn’t live close, and most likely never will. Sometime soon, I’ll have to pay for my own groceries. And some days, Jack doesn’t have anything to laugh about.
And even still…I love each of them.
Why?
As Christians, we are called to love for love’s sake, to love for God’s sake. Not to love with certain standards. Not to love with rules. Not to love in a way that depends upon the inevitable human failure. Because my friends and family fail me every single day. And J tells us that will be the case! He didn’t make human connections to fulfill our hearts every day and night we are allowed on this earth!
Now, I don’t know if Elizabeth Barrett Browning was a Believer in our Lord J. I do know, however, that He can work through every word, including If thou must love me. Those beautiful thoughts urge us to embrace the kind of love that doesn’t love in a way that changes upon circumstances, that doesn’t mold to fit the desires of someone else, that doesn’t feel obligated out of pity or comfort. It urges us to love for love’s sake, that evermore we would live on, through love’s eternity.
His eternity.
This Valentine’s Day, I’m loving those around me because God gave them to me to love. To just plain love. Not because they love me well. But just because I love them.
Xo. A
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